I would not deny that I do have my "parent-fit" moment.
At that point of time, you would just think that your parents really don't care about you, and decide irrational decisions that could have been done your way. You yourself know what you are doing, but to them they just think you don't know whats best. There's a point in time where we all think to ourselves "how I wish i am a grown up, then i can make my own decisions without needing approval".
It gets so bad that we think that our parents do not love us as much as they should.What if all of these friction could be reduced by improving on the communication between both parent and child?
This is a sound clip taken from the previous american show, "The fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Rapping about how parents just dont understand.
Parents Just Dont Understand - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
The Asians are brought up with the culture of strict parenting, for instance when a parent decides, the child has to abide.
However, I feel that parents should start communicating with their children more in order to avoid such friction. Communication goes a long way, with communication there is a better understanding of the situation and the child could grasp the fact of why his/her parent is going against her idea. Explaining works, it is better than just scolding the child and expecting them to know the logic and the rationality of your actions.
Talking about situations before the child raises it would also help prepare the child on how to look at such situations and to consider the right decision.
A little bit of trust would also do the job, as everyone needs to go through a littl experimenting. Without experimenting, the child will never what it is like to experience situations. For example, clubbing. In most of our parents mind, it is the taboo word. To them its like taking drugs, or being wasted, or even being a delinquent. However, clubbing might not be as bad as they perceive. Letting the child experience it at least once would be good. At the same time it would be good for parents to talk them through and allow them to understand the advantages and disadvantages of it. The more parents resist the child's request, the more the child wants to rebel. When that happens, "parent-fit" comes into the picture. Parents should always have a little faith and trust with the child, by judging their character. When the child realises that their parents trust them, they would try to stick within boundaries. It is like reverse psychology in a way.
Increase the communication, reduce the friction! Families can get together better that way!
i totally agree with how parents should sit down and talk things through with their children rather than scolding them. i think most children or rather children nowadays are in such a way that they eat soft and not hard(translated from chinese).
ReplyDeletethe society has changed so much and yet parents are not catching up with the society. i feel that this is what led to the break down in communication between parents and children.
our parents are taught in such a way that they should always respect their parents and never go against what their parents say and so they try to teach us the way that they were taught. however because of the change in society, children now think a lot differently than their parents. even though children this generation know what respect is and respect their parents, they also want their parents to respect them and the only way this can be achieved is when the parents instead of screaming at them, talk to them nicely.
it is easier to get things across that way.
and im glad my mom is starting to, although slowly, get that idea or maybe it is because i am now approaching an age that she feels i should know what i should be doing.
Totally agree that communication is ESSENTIAL in a family.
ReplyDeleteHad a fine example last week but it's too long to type out here.
I guess we always see things from our view because, let's face it, we all think we are right. We hardly or never see things from our parents' p.o.v.
In the past it used to be "punish first, talk later". Seems like our generation's pretty spoiled. We want our "rights" to be read first before we agree to any punishment at all.
I think I'm going out of point.
Bottom line is communication is KEYYYY! Well, it sure avoids conflict.
Am I even making sense....?
that's a common stereotype eh, asians and their strict parenting.
ReplyDeletethe best solution i can think of is:
parents should loosen their grip and not be so rigid,
but children should also do their part and realize, HELLO REBELLIOUSNESS IS SO YESTERDAYYYYYYYY.
i love talking to my parents, and listening from their point of view on issues that we disagree upon.
at the same time, i'll tell them my own point of view.
thus i think that communication is important in general, but specifically its all about the level of self-disclosure both parents and children are comfortable with.
parents=family.
we don't get mad at them for long.
they're the very reason why we're here in the first place!
Hi Sarah
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amelia, what she said was rather encouraging and accurate. But no, rebelliousness isn't yesterday - it's yesteryear.
I think parents definitely mean well to their children - it's innate I suppose, epecially in Asia context. I guess friction occurs when both parties refuse to compromise. I think families should spend adequate time of bonding to understand one another better (so as to comprehend their nonverbal expressions and perceptions better)
As frequency of communications between parents and child decrease, relational tension arises. This is hugely evident in our society when parents are busy at work, and kids are mugging their ass off at home and in school. Communication works both ways i guess, and its through frequent sharing and interactions, that such tension diminishes with time.
ReplyDeleteI also want to say that by communication some people might think it in the literal sense, but coming from a high context culture where many things are left unspoken, many times it is just about spending time with each other.
ReplyDelete